No Good Deed Goes Unpunished 2: Cutting the Fat

I have been on a diet; well I have watched my weight since my early twenties and after having children my weight has crept up slowly. I call myself a big girl, I a size 14 to 16, not awful but big none the less. Of course, as I enter pre-menopause I have heard that losing weight will be more and more of a challenge. All of this is hard to take and alarming knowledge to possess.

Compound that with my love of food. I have a love of chocolate that is well known among my friends, so no matter how careful I am about what I eat, no matter how meticulously I count calories I am always tripped up by one simple fact. I love chocolate.

Isn’t it funny how sometimes your mind can play tricks on you? I will be very good on a diet and even lose a couple of pounds so when I am shopping I decide to buy one small piece of chocolate, a reward. Except when I get there I discover that the chocolate in the big bags is a much better deal. I lie to myself, except I truly believe that I will only have one or two a day. Usually a bag of chocolate only lasts two days in my hands, actually a little over 24 hours. Instantly after eating 7 to 10 pieces I feel bloated and remorseful, but I cannot bring myself to throwing the rest away, that would be wasteful. I can get back on track, I can control this urge. Liar!

Well, somehow miracle of miracle I accidentally lost 10 pounds. I am not really sure how I did it except I drank a lot of water at the time and I was very busy and did not eat like I usually did. Anyway, I was delighted. Of course I still have weight to lose to get down to my supermodel weight but I felt great. My clothes were fitting looser and I felt more energetic.

I volunteered to go to a health conference with my mom, one of those events where you go from booth to booth and collect free pens and pencils and they tell you about their health cause. I had my sugar tested, my gripping strength, my heart, and more. We came to one table that had a row of devices that looked like Nintendo controllers. ‘Test your body fat?’ The girl behind the table asked. I had done above average on grip, was low on cholesterol and low on blood sugar so I was feeling quite self-assured. Now I know I am above average in weight but I did not expect anything except some sort of percentage. My presenter had to know my age, my height and she made me stand on a scale. Everyone else that came up to this table just told them their weight but I had to have the one person with a scale. Anyway, I was wearing a heavy sweater, boots, winter clothes and a heavy winter coat, and when I stepped on the scale, I was a full thirteen pounds heavier than I was at home after a shower. I told her I was nowhere near that weight and she took off a pound and a half – she said to be fair. Then I had to hold this Nintendo controller thing directly out in front of my body for some reason, and it gave a percent body fat number.

As I said, I know I need to lose some weight; I have been on a virtual diet since I was 20 and I am getting to an age where weight is hard to lose. My tormentor/presenter looked at a few numbers on a chart and announced that I was just slightly overweight. I complained, you can’t use these numbers, the weight is all wrong, I had lied about my age, every thing was wrong. Even though I knew that I needed to lose weight, I didn't need some stranger with a chart and a Nintendo controller to tell me that! Didn't she realize I had just lost 10 pounds and this was unfair to say I'm fat? For a split second I even considered taking off all of my clothes right there and being re-weighed. The girl behind the table sheepishly wanted to calm me down and reassure me, she obviously did not expect my reaction. She tried to reassure me by saying: “Maybe you could lose a little weight.”

I freaked, inside. “Lose a little weight!” why didn’t I think of that? I have only tried to lose weight everyday for the last 25 years (I am lying about my age again). Anyway, the bounce in my step was gone, the little secret for my smile was gone, and I was plunged into depression -- did they have a booth for that? “Lose a little weight!”

My triumph of weight loss had turn to tragedy, my good intention of supporting my mom at the health fair only spotlighted my biggest problems. Guess what, the very next table was an information booth on obesity, an obvious conspiracy. Where is the chocolate when you need it?